Directed by Hark Tsui
Running Time: 1:30

What a complete waste of time. There was nothing, and I mean nothing, redeeming about Knock Off. Nothing. At all. This is probably, no, it IS, the worst movie I've seen since I started this review page. What in the world possessed someone to make this? I think I've made better movies in my toilet.

You know the only reason I know what the plot is? Because I went to Cinema 1 and read it. It had something to do with fake jeans and small bombs, and there were Russians involved. But I couldn't tell more than that from the movie itself. It was too damn convoluted. And when I saw that someone with a name I recognized wrote it (Steven E. De Souza) I thought that it must be some kind of mistake. Until I looked up some other movies he's written and I realized that he must be one of the worst writers in Hollywood today. (For the record, some of the screenplays he's written recently are: Judge Dredd, Beverly Hills Cop III, and The Flintstones. You make the call.) So, to recap, the story was lame and very badly written.

Next problem, the directing. Maybe this guy is popular back in his homeland, but over here, he sucks. The only other American film to his credit seems to be that other Van Damme stinker, (sorry to confuse you, his LAST stinker), Double Team. Some of the shots seemed a little cool, I'll give him a little credit, but most of the time they seemed pointless. It seemed as if he was trying to be John Woo. He just failed very badly. And along with that, the special effects seemed almost pedestrian. In this day and age, you should be able to make an explosion look real. And what was up with all the green fire? So to recap, the directing was lame, and very badly done.

Lastly, I come to the acting. We all know Van Damme can't act, so I won't hold him responsible, he tried his best. Rob Schneider, generally a pretty funny man, seemed muted here. Again, not his fault, it was just badly written (see recap number 1). Lela Rochon, a fine looking woman, and a good actress. However, her biggest reason for being in the film seemed to be so we could look at her cleavage as much as possible. And lastly, Paul Sorvino. Paul, what have you done to yourself? This is almost, no, it IS, an embarrassment to him and his family. I know your daughter Mira has chosen some clunkers in her life, but nothing as bad as this. So to recap, the acting was lame, and very badly done.

So overall, this movie was (everyone together now) lame, and very badly done. I am literally on my knees as I type this, begging you not to go see Knock Off. You'll feel like someone violated you for an hour and a half, and not in a pleasant way.

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